Toy Accordion

1981

Schylling Toys, North Andover PA

1977-present

This toy accordion was the first polka king Pawel Młynarczyk touched with his tiny golden fingers. Gifted to him by his mother’s sister, an elegant and mysterious woman who never worked a day in her life, bounced between homes in Santa Fe, Furore and Hida-Takayama, wore flowing layers of jewel toned velvet no matter the season, and drifted between lovers like a migrating tanager. Young Pawel adored his aunt, so also the accordion she bestowed, and couldn’t bear to be separated from this token of her love. His parents, unable to endure the squawking toy or Pawel when it was taken away, enlisted the help of renowned master Jakub Andreski to make the box sing. Pawel’s aptitude was apparent immediately, no doubt fueled by the fire of his love, and he was soon entertaining legion hall and supper club crowds across Wisconsin’s northwoods. He grew out of the toy accordion within months under Andreski’s tutelage, but was known to pull it out occasionally until his untimely death in the tragic ice fishing disaster of ‘93. The accordion itself is on display at Antigo’s Polka History Museum.

Blue Tambourine

1692

Artist Unknown, Salem MA

The whimsical blue tambourine was hand painted by the blind servant to the Abbott family of Salem Village in 1692. Lotti Penebaker, assisted by her young mistress Deliverance — known for rambunctiousness and pranks, and likely the true artist — painted the delightful night sky and angel despite being fully blind since birth. She was later burnt at the stake for being clearly possessed of powerful witch magic. Legend has it you can hear her cursing her mistress in the jangle of the jingles, but we need not worry about the eternal torment of this particular victim of puritanical and patriarchal cruelty. Haunting is not included in the viewing experience of the world’s only known cursed tambourine.

Harmonica

1840

Hohner, Alberta CAN

1821-present

The sweet timbre of a licking stick floating over the prairie drew the bandits to the caravan that fateful night. This harmonica was a siren song and a suit of armour, each dent a mark of the brutal beating at which these bandits found themselves on the receiving end. Lost to time, this image is the only proof that remains of the Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump massacre. If you love sweet melodies and violent death by harmonica plan a visit to The Canadian Cowboy Museum.

Yellow Tambourine

1978

Fischer-Price, East Aurora NY

1930-present

Deceptively simple, this artifact is one of the most precious objects from The Time Before. Made of actual wood and covered somehow in chemicals no living scientist recognizes, this example of a “children’s toy” - something our smallest laborers were once called and the name for an object they used to employ for leisure or un-work - is a perfect specimen. One of the many tools of destruction the Before People fell prey to. Un-work, bright colors and useless forests are, thankfully, long gone. But, this print reproduction of the artifact serves as a reminder to never stop producing. Never stop. Look at this yellow tambourine to remember to work until it is time to honor your broken body by being ground into dust.

Rainbow Lego

1970

LEGO Company, Billund DEN

1932-present

Spinach in your teeth on a first date, getting a colleague’s name wrong for so long that now there’s no way out for either of you, tripping on a busy sidewalk then skipping away to cover it up even though that obviously just makes you look clumsy and insane: small humiliations we’ve all experienced. But, did you know that these small life-altering embarrassments are caused by legos? Yes, legos. In an effort to rid the world of their power to spread unnecessary shame and anxiety, the Danish government is urging the world to destroy, by any means necessary, the tiny toys. To ease the transition to a lego free world these commemorative prints will be on view at the soon to be defunct Billund factory. Visit to commemorate love lost and freedom gained, one of many (but soon fewer) bittersweet moments in life. and do not ignore the call to action.

Toy Guitar

1911

A. Schoenhut & Company, Philadelphia PA

1872-1935

Played on tour from dive to dive before she hit the big time, this miniature guitar has surely seen some wild nights in the hands of Crystal the Chimp. Her world renowned plucking and strumming, now beloved by all, was a tough sell at the start. But humanity, neé the entire animal kingdom, is beyond lucky that she and trainer George Jinkleson never gave up. A piece of honky tonk history and one of Crystal’s favorite gits.

Rainbow Xylophone

1969

Rich Industries, INC, Hell MI

1930-present

Bing, bong, ziiiiiiiiing! The familiar tinkle of this lovely little wonder lifts hearts and soothes souls. Having lived in the Xylophonic age our whole lives we likely can’t imagine what it was like before the discovery that all order and nature is controlled by these amazing creatures. The Xyloverlords have given us the gift of this print. Not the real thing! No one but the highest tinkler can have that, and even she is held to strict oversight and protocol by the TOC (Tinkle Oversight Committee). No, this is just a simple reproduction of the magnificent xylophone. A reproduction we must all purchase. Resist at your own risk, but beware the heavy hand of the Xyloverlords.